Perhaps.

You may find changing your mentality on how you view things enables the positive to come out sooner — Life is far more about mental perception than you realize; the psychology of it is a very interesting thing.

Remind yourself that you’re on an ever-changing journey, and though life will certainly tangle itself up rather well at times, it’ll always find a way to become untangled, and place you gently (and sometimes not-so-gently, but at least you’ll get there) back on-track.

Enjoying the Up’s and Down’s equally may not be the easiest thing for you to accomplish, but if you can reach a point of peacefulness that runs off that mentality, I can tell you the life you live will be much fuller than those who focus on the negative — Dreading having to overcome or do things is a choice you make; if you think of it as another stepping stone that we all ultimately take, maybe you won’t feel so lonely, confused, or frustrated during the process — It just becomes what you have to do.

Furthermore, remember everything is relative.

If you forget this important piece of the puzzle, you’ll find it difficult to see eye-to-eye with many people.

For instance:
Person A has $10,000 in debt. Person B has $2,000 in debt. If Person B hasn’t ever had more than that, their emotional response to their debt [even though it's 80% less than yours] will most-likely be equal. And don’t get me wrong, Person B will recognize they have it much better than you if you’re Person A, but it’ll still be a tough road for them to travel down because it’s the worst they’ve known.

Again, Relativity.

You have the power to lay the foundation for what your core will be, and choosing a negative platform to stand on won’t hold you up very long.

If you find yourself there (and really I should say ‘when you find yourself there’, because ultimately we’ll all pay that scenario a visit once or twice) don’t give up hope. The neatly wrapped package you had once had, or that you’re looking for, will find it’s way to you. The trick is to be patient and positive, as tough as both those may be. Sometimes it’s helpful to remind yourself that we’re all in the same boat — This journey we’re on doesn’t come with a guidebook, and we will get lost from time to time. That’s an absolute — We can only do our best.

The great part is that we have complete control to define what “our best” means.

Set the bar as high as it can go, so each day you wake you strive to reach the top, and if you don’t reach it, no biggie –  You’ve probably just gone higher than most people, and certainly higher than you would have gone without having something to aim for. Not to mention you can always keep trying.

Each time you allow yourself to get bogged down with the immaterial you will lose another precious minute, another hour, another day. You’ll lose a moment you could have shared with a friend or loved one, or one of self-reflection, in which you learn a thing or two about who you are, who you want to become, your desires, or your goals.

So regardless as to where you are on your journey, keep reminding yourself nothing lasts forever. Sadly, that also goes for the good stuff, and though it’s never fun to think about, it can be beneficial to remind yourself of that from time to time — It’ll make you grateful for what you have, even when other parts of your life may be in disarray.

As the Holidays approach, carve out time to look around your world and pick out all that is good. And if you find things in your world that are making you unhappy, start by jotting down ideas as to how you can overcome them.

A lot of people want change to occur instantly, but there is no such thing as anything happening “instantly” in the bigger picture — Even the quickest and simplest actions in life took a lot of planning before they became routine.

So grab a pen and paper, glass of wine or cup of coffee, and cozy up in a relaxing environment to do a bit of digging.

You have the power to make your life anything you want it to be. Don’t waste that gift — It’s the biggest and most important one you will ever get.

I can picture her sitting there, looking a bit drained as she thinks about the road she’s had to travel on to get to this moment, but also with a smile on her face, as this chapter in her life is nearing its end. She projects a sense of pride for having pushed through. She fought the fatigue, she battled the nausea, and she enhanced her emotional & physical endurance.

She may lay her head back on the chair or bed she’s in and close her eyes, trying her best to relax. And however successful she may be at accomplishing that, she will also be ready to leave when it’s done, and not waste time locating the nearest Exit so she can travel back home, away from the sterile white walls.

While we’re there, I can picture myself kneeling down and taking shots below her; standing on a chair and taking shots above her; sitting beside her and taking shots with her. I can see myself holding the camera up as we both make goofy faces. I can picture asking one of the nurses to take a few photos of us together. I can also picture myself being nervous about them dropping my camera, but I will push that feeling down, and just make sure the neck strap is on securely.

Once we’re out of the hospital and surrounded by the familiar life that is her family, I can picture her in the kitchen making a snack for her son. I can picture her sitting on the couch reading a book to him afterwards. I can picture the two of them playing outside as her partner looks on smiling, and as her dog lays beside them, expressing his excitement that they are all together in his own way.

I will take photos of her doing day-to-day things. Some of those things will remain intact long after her body is cancer free. Others won’t.

She will still brush her teeth.
She won’t always brush her wig.

She will still put one foot in front of the other when she walks.
She won’t always do that on the way to chemo treatments.

She will still clean her house.
She won’t always lack the energy to finish.

She will still eat dinner.
She won’t always have graham crackers for it.

She once told me to process things hour by hour — Get through one before thinking about the next; deal with what you’re feeling in that moment, and wait for the rest until it’s in front of you.

She is strong.

Through our conversations, I can tell she’s never emotionally run away from this portion of her life, nor has she let her optimism get lost in the crowd.

She’s processed, accepted, and is running towards the rest of her life.

And she’s almost to her finish line.

Yes, it’s true — In moments of distress, artists thrive. Shocked? Somehow I didn’t think you would be.

When going through the “tough” in life artists get up, dust off, savor the moment, and continue down their respective creative paths even more enthusiastically than the day before.

Analogy.
The clock is pushing 1am and you’re still an hour away from home after a nice, long, relaxing weekend. You’re getting tired but don’t want to pull the car over (which I agree is not the best approach but for the sake of this stay with me). The sleep begins to take you over; your eyes shut without warning and that scares the hell out of you. What happens next is not exactly pleasant, and you know it won’t be ahead of time, but you do it anyway — You smack yourself in the face a few times with a decent amount of force to get the blood flowing, and to ‘about-face’ your senses.

Once you pull into the driveway you’re grateful that the mobility of your hand was useful.

You did what you had to do.

Everyone has it in them to overcome a situation and fight the effects, but are you one who will do it? In the car scenario, would you pull over, or push on through? Artists push on through. It’s not always the best decision. We don’t always do it with grace. And it’s certainly not the easiest road. But it’s second nature.

We don’t take a time-out to heal.

We create to heal.

An artist overcoming pain can dish out some of the best paintings ever painted, the best photos ever taken, the best films ever filmed, the best songs ever written. Raw emotion combined with imagination produces pieces so far outside our conscious realm it’s overwhelming and powerful.

And it’s so important to capture that moment as it’s happening.

Tapping into such a deep place can’t be done manually — You have to clutch that moment it in your hand, and hang on until you feel cleansed and satisfied.

It’s tough, if not impossible, to recreate the way your body feels, the way your mind works, or the way your words sound when moving towards recovery after turmoil. And it’s in that recovery process that our creative spark plugs switch themselves out for a new set, and push us to new heights of creation.

Don’t take these times for granted as a creator.

These are the moments when pure emotion turns itself into art.

During milestones we are instilled with something new, be it a lesson, a frame of mind, or a mental note to stay away from or gravitate towards a certain situation or person. Without hitting the ceiling from time to time we might never know what it is, or who it is, we should be around or with as we continue down this unguided path.

Challenges present themselves without warning. It’s how you handle the challenges that make the difference. Facing them head on and dealing with what you need to when you need to will will propel you forward. Putting your head down and covering yourself with a blanket will set you back. It’s not a science we can dictate on paper, and there is no structured formula — It’s a power bigger than our rational thoughts; it is our subconscious kicking in and our survival mechanism engaging.

Take comfort in knowing when you need the tools they will be there. You will get through the rocky times, and surpass what you perceive to be limitations. You will rise to a higher level of spirituality with each step you climb.

Those who love you will be there to push you should you need a bit of help. They’ll wrap themselves around your worries, and enhance your joys with a smile, a hug, a shoulder to lean on or a hand to grasp, just so you know they’re there.

In the end, everything will be okay, and you will continue to thrive, to learn, and to live.

It would be nice if we could keep our needs & wants organized in boxes. Our inventory would be updated weekly, and sent to us via email so we could keep a running tab. And, for $1.99/month, it would also determine where each ‘item’ fell in the bigger picture. What a deal!

Unfortunately, there are no organized boxes for intangible items, nor can we have another person keep track of our ever growing inner-inventory. Someone should have thought of that. We came up with Oreos; why this is so hard? I’m not sure. But a lot of people have trouble figuring out what it is they truly need from another person, and more importantly, for themselves.

Do we need and want differently at different ages? At different milestones? After different life experiences? Sure. Though I don’t think it makes it any easier, as there will always be new feelings & desires to categorize.

When you were younger you needed to eat enough vegetables, and wanted freeze pops. For 20- and 30-something year olds you need a steady income, and probably still will want freeze pops, among other things. For 40- and 50-something year olds it’s about needing to have your t’s crossed and i’s dotted in your IRA’s, and, you may still want freeze pops. Or a vacation home. Maybe you want both, which is understandable.

I don’t want a luxury car, or a mansion, or a vacation home. I want to love, to create, to find passion, understanding, respect & laughter. For myself, I’ve always considered my wants to be my needs, and my needs to be my wants.

Maybe at the end of the day some of us don’t want to categorize things. Maybe some of us don’t want to struggle with determining the differences.

Maybe some of us choose wide open spaces instead of divided ones.

Take a few moments out of your day to look within yourself and think about what it is you’re here for; what your purpose is. What you want to be remembered for shouldn’t be difficult — It should be part of your daily life; something you’re consciously aware of.

The path, you can change, but the time, you can’t ever get back.

I’d like to be remembered for making people laugh. For making them feel as though I was there to listen when they needed to be listened to. For being a friendly, generous person. For never taking the bad times too seriously. For having a positive outlook on life, for my desire to help people, for doing what I could to make this place a bit better than how I found it.

Your turn.

Slow down for an hour or so today and think about what your list would be. Think about your past, your present, your future. Remind yourself periodically during the day tomorrow that even though you might get another chance to “do-over” your day, you’ll have to use the next minute to regain your ground. Living with meaning makes the journey more enjoyable, more lively, and much more memorable.

Whether you have a three- or seven-figure bank account, being able to separate yourself from material objects will ultimately improve your quality of life. You’ll begin to enjoy the simple pleasures, and focus on what you have or need, instead of what you want or wish you did.

Before we get in to deep.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing something in a store and wanting to buy it. The issue comes when the urge-to-splurge consumes you. Saying, “I wish I had ::insert product here::” more often than not is a common warning sign, and if you’re experiencing it, please seek medical assistance as soon as possible.

So, where do we start?

Back to the basics.
You need shelter, but not a mansion. You need clothing, but not True Religion. You need food, but not fillet mignon. There’s a big difference between “need” and “want”, and Americans have blurred those lines rather well over the years. If you are in a position where you can afford those things, be proud of that, but don’t feel as though you need them to project your success; that becomes a very tricky avenue.

Don’t make a wish-list.
Who needs to focus on a list of items they can’t yet afford? It will just leave you feeling worse about your situation. You may by default become less-stressed by eliminating these, as you’ll be focussed in the present moment instead of the future.

Live withing your means.
If obtaining something will put you in financial stress, stay away. You shouldn’t purchase a home or car and then be so strapped for cash you can’t even enjoy it. Who wants to spend every day stressing about What If’s? ‘What if something breaks and I have to replace it’ or ‘What if I can’t afford the monthly $2k mortgage’, etc.

Retail therapy is not the answer.
Spending money you don’t have is not therapeutic. Charging up your credit cards in moments of stress is a bad, bad idea; you’ll just end up being even more stressed afterwards. If you must buy something (which I’m not condoning, but hey, we’re only human) go for something inexpensive and small you can enjoy for an extended period of time – Plants for the garden or a new set of wine glasses. Think smaller during these shopaholic moments.

Detach yourself from careless spending.
This is important at every income level. You don’t really need 10 different bottles of lotion so don’t allow your mind trick you into thinking you do. At $40,000/year you might want to buy a Range Rover. At $1,000,000/year you might want to purchase a $10 million home – Neither is sensible.

Turn to nature.
Instead of going on a shopping-spree with a friend go on a nice walk or run, and plan to grab lunch or dinner together later on to reward yourselves for not blowing $500 on items you really don’t need.

The point of controlling your mindset regarding money is not to limit yourself to buying what you can afford, but instead to start thinking about other things before you think about whipping out your wallet. Try to begin focusing on what you have — Life becomes a much happier and less-stressful place when you do.

If you consider yourself to be a negative person chances are you’ll need more than just a little boost to get your mindset on a positive track; you’ll need to change the way you live, and how you perceive and process life occurrences. You’ll have to restructure what is important to you, and divorce it from what is materialistic and petty; there should be a nice, clean line there.

People hide in a negative facade out of fear, but what they take comfort in is actually their worst enemy.

Friends, Gossip, Family, Putting others down, Love, Greed, Rudeness, Respect, Defeat.

The positive folks probably picked out Friends, Family, Love & Respect right away, and thought about all they have listed in their ‘Pro’ column. The Negative people might have been drawn to the other words, particularly Defeat, and may have seen Family as a source of stress and anger instead of one of growth.

This is where perception comes into play. No one has it completely easy, but if you’re able to focus on making yourself the best person you can be, both mentally & physically, and learn to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, you’ll find living is a greater joy than you ever could have imagined. You’ll be able to handle the bumps and roadblocks easier, and feel connections with others that are more meaningful, and more importantly, more real.

People who choose to ignore their lack of positive energy will have a lot of growing to do later in life.

Life is a beautiful thing and it’d be a loss to not get its full benefits.

You have all the tools inside of yourself to become a better, healthier person. So what are you waiting for?

Take traffic. Okay, so if it’s hot and you have no AC that’s rough, I hear you. But most things aside it’s just another one of those instances we allow ourselves to get worked up and frustrated. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could stay calm and not let it bother you? Not have the anxiety about missing your plane, train, appointment, or meeting? You can! YOU have the power to become a healthier, happier, calmer, more productive person, and all it takes is shifting your thought patterns and outlook.

Let’s start with the Morning Blues — Getting your day started on the right foot is key.

Change your mindset: Don’t dread waking up. Life is meant to be lived while we’re conscious. There is plenty of time to catch up on those zzz’s but remind yourself there is a whole world out there waiting for you to come change it.

Breakfast. Don’t skip it! Get up 30 minutes before you need to and make yourself a cup of coffee and eat something that will energize you. If it’s warm out, even better — Sit outside and enjoy the sun.

Peace & quiet. If you rise before the rest think about how calming the atmosphere would be; just you and your thoughts. It’s a great time to do something for yourself. Go for a walk, read the paper, write, or set some goals for the day.

Find your energy boost. If you go to bed at a decent hour, eat right, exercise, and hydrate, once 6 or 7am rolls around you’ll be ready to jump out of bed and see what the day has to offer. If you’re waking up tired and unable to function, you’re probably not getting enough sleep to leave you feeling refreshed the next day. This could also be related to stress, which we’ll cover in another post.

Take pleasure in the simple things. The sun rise. The sound of birds. The slight chill in the air. How quiet it is around you. Relax.

Set the tone for the rest of the day. If your morning is bad, chances are the first half of your day is going to be bad.. Especially if your local coffee shop screws up your order. Get yourself in the mindset that living a new day is exciting; it’s an unwritten chapter just waiting for your pen to take it over (how about that analogy!). Get excited about life! It will make everything seem less stressful and more rewarding.

Live a longer day. The sooner you wake up in the morning the more time you are able to spend doing the things you love, especially on the weekends. Think of how many more family & friends you could see, and things you could do.

Healthier. Being on a normal schedule will improve your overall health. You’ll feel more alert.

More to come! Here is an excerpt from my next post:

“Hard work is something we should be grateful for being able to still handle. There will come a day when we can’t cut a lawn, shovel snow, go for a long walk or run, or think on our feet as quickly as we can now. Remind yourself next time you wish you had a snow blower or a gardener that staying mentally & physically fit as long as you possibly can will make your life richer, fuller, healthier, and happier.”

First, there is no big secret to being healthy. Second, I don’t think that diets work. Becoming healthy is a lifestyle change. It’s not a fad, it’s not temporary, and it’s not supposed to be a chore. It’s about changing your mindset, and teaching yourself how to start craving fruits & vegetables instead of burgers & fries.

There are two main guidelines you must follow: Eat right & Exercise. Doesn’t seem too hard, right? In theory no, it’s not hard. But with America growing more morbidly obese by the minute, it has certainly presented its challenges.

The most common excuse?
“I’m too busy. I just don’t have the time to eat right or work-out; I’m always on the go.”

Come on, people. That isn’t going to cut it anymore. Planning ahead is key! If you’re so busy then why don’t you have healthy snacks with you? You go to the market, right? So next time you’re there pickup some little things you can keep on hand to hold you over until your next meal. Two I can think of right off the top of my head are raisins & nuts. Both are good for you (in moderation, of course) and fill you up — especially nuts.

Some items to stay away from.
100 Calorie Packs. They’re a joke. People perceive them as healthy, but they’re not. How can a cookie be healthy?? If you’re trying to lose weight, stay away from these, because chances are you won’t be able to eat just one pack. Don’t temp yourself! If you don’t buy them, you won’t eat them. This is the ‘Better safe than sorry’ approach. Regular Soda & Juice. Granted there are some juices which aren’t bad for you, but for the most part they aren’t that much different than drinking straight sugar. White bread. Why would you ever eat this when you could have a slice of wheat bread? Wheat has less calories, less fat, less cards, more dietary fiber, less sugar & more protein. It’s a win-win situation.

Small tips that go a big way.
Without getting too far ahead of ourselves, here are some things you can start doing right away to get yourself on the right track, without causing too much interference in your busy life — You officially can’t use that as an excuse anymore!

1. Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day. It’s good for you, and will fill you up.
2. Have diet soda instead of regular soda or juice.
3. Limit the beer intake! Try rum & diet, or even 2 glasses of white wine instead. They both have less carbs & less calories.
4. Have wheat bread or english muffin with a *little* peanut butter instead of white bread with jelly.
5. Have a fruit or vegetable with every meal.
6. Don’t take the escalator! Use the stairs.
7. Have lunch at your desk and then walk during your lunch break.
8. Instead of making a big bacon & waffle breakfast on the weekend, go for a walk or run first! Once you exercise you’ll feel good about your body and won’t want the fatty foods. And when you are ready to eat, fruit and yogurt, granola, and eggs are a much better alternative.
9. Watch the sodium. It will just aid in retaining water, and make you feel worse about your body.
10. Out to lunch or dinner? Opt for a salad with the dressing on the side, and get chicken on it if you like meat. OR get a burger, sub something for the fries, and skip the bun, or just eat 1/2 of it.
11. LIMIT DESSERTS! If you know you’re going out to celebrate on the weekend, and cake will be involved, plan ahead for that and limit your intake of other foods during the week to balance it out.
12. If you get hungry and need a snack during the day, a Dunkin Donuts muffin isn’t the way to go. It’s an empty carb and won’t fill you up; it’s just a big lump of fat, calories, sugar & carbs. Have something on hand to fill these cravings. And, remember, sometimes your body isn’t hungry — it’d dehydrated. Go for the water first.

A HEALTHY RECIPE FOR PIZZA @ HOME!
Take 1 Joseph’s brand lavash bread, or 2 of Joseph’s brand wraps, and make your own pizza! Put on either oil, a low-sodium tomato sauce (or both) and some low-fat mozzarella cheese. Add on olives, peppers, onions, chicken – really, whatever you want. This is a great chance to use up some of those leftovers from last night. Throw it in the oven or grill, let it cook, and there you have it! A very healthy pizza.